![]() ![]() This will give me strength to bear my lot, however terrible it may be, with humble submission to the will of the Most High. What does it tend to, and what will become of me if it continues for some time longer? A hard lot, indeed, has fallen on me! However, I submit to the will of fate and only pray to God so to ordain it in His will that I may be protected from want as long as I have to endure death in life. In it, Beethoven's struggle to cope with his deafness is integrated with resignation and acceptance: "On the 27th of February, I underwent the 4th operation and there are visible symptoms that I shall have to suffer a fifth. On March 14th, 1827, Beethoven wrote his last letter to Ignaz Moscheles, pianist, conductor, and composer. To the Archduke Rudolph of Austria, Beethoven is more candid: "Notwithstanding my healthy appearance, I have, all this time, been really ill and suffering from a nervous breakdown. ![]() To a personal friend, Countess Anna Marie Erdödy: "We finite beings who are the embodiment of an infinite spirit, are born to suffer both pain and joy and one might almost say that the best of us obtain joy through suffering." (Isolation, depression and bargaining, joy through suffering). For a long period, a certain event made me despair of ever achieving any happiness during my life on this earth, but now things are no longer so bad. To his pupil, Countess Josephine Deym: A private grief has robbed me of my usual intense energy. ![]() Sad resignation to which I am forced to have recourse! I will seize fate by the throat!" O how happy should I be now if I had perfect hearing. We must wait and see whether my hearing can be restored. Already I have cursed my Creator and my existence. Heaven alone knows what is to become of me. In 1801, writing to his physician-friend, Franz Wegeler, Beethoven expresses the five stages in one long letter: "For the last three years, my hearing has become weaker and weaker, and for almost two years, I have ceased to attend any social function just because I find it impossible to say to people, 'I am deaf.' I beg you not to say anything about my condition to anyone: I am only telling you this as a secret. ![]()
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